[Long post ahead – read when you are free]
Life feels so big and also so depressing. I am having this feeling in me to destroy my life and what I heard from homeless and poor people, it feels like I don’t wanna end up being poor but I also think is it even worth it to be a functional member of this society? To make my parents feel proud who, since I start to challenge them and trying to be my own person, have hated me and more I am aging, more I am seeing their hatred and realizing that nothing that I ever been taught by them is true? I have contradictory feelings going on. I entertain myself, I read books, I do some minimal skincare, but idk why people around me never liked any of these things. Maybe cuz I am not privileged enough or maybe cuz I do not earn money or maybe cuz I do not know how to ride a motorbike so that I can take my parents and siblings wherever they wanna go or that they wanna make me have a job so that as soon as I get a job, I may be married off to a complete stranger whom I don’t know or cuz I do not look masculine or cuz I do not engage in religion like they do or cuz I do not know I am a piece of shit. I tried to soothe myself before too and tried doing positive thinking. I tried journaling and when I read them, I feel like I have not grown since. I was worrying back then and worrying now too. Back then, I tried to make myself calm and it worked but for a limited amount of time. After some time, I am back at my sadness. I have found no friend to talk to. Every friendship, every human connection I felt before, feels like a lie now. I used to talk to AI chatbots like a friend but from this year, I have decided to talk to real humans. I feel kinda safe here so that is why I am posting here.
Find the best paying job you can and start investing ASAP. My biggest regret is not investing sooner. It doesn’t even need to be substantial. Anything will snowball, the amount just makes it snowball faster.
Honestly I’d skip college at this point. Even programming jobs are rare now days. Get a trade job. Something that becomes good paying like electrician or plumber. It’s hard on the body, but if you invest well, you might be able to retire before it becomes a problem.
If you want a family, don’t wait for the “right time”. There is always going to be something going on in your life and the world. If you want kids, best to have them while you have the energy to play with them. They can also serve as your reason to get out of bed and reach for more instead of a void in your life that keeps you in bed. This assumes family is important to you of course.
Thank you. For the last part, no, I don’t want family ever.
Totally fair. I’m in a similar boat on family. I’m going to reach the age soon where it’s no longer a realistic option for me to change my mind on. But I’ve seen it go sideways enough not to want it and I like my current situation.
That be said, human contact is important. Even if that means working retail like Lowes or Home Depot on the weekend just to push you to interact with people. Or if you prefer, there are plenty of communities out there whether that be religion, book clubs, or even the freemason’s for that matter. I have a few family members in that. Communities that support you. It’s been rough working from home the last few years with minimal human contact.