I can’t remember where I saw it, but there was a comment I read that went something like,
“When I was not feeling good one day, my daughter was always trying to make me feel better, despite my reassurances. I eventually realized that she wasnt feeling good either because i wasn’t feeling good. So I can imagine that constantly being depressed, sad, or angry would make your child the same way too.”
And…idk, I guess it made me think of my own mom. Basically every day she was mad about something and always vented to me about stuff. We also had pets (which were kinda her pets more than mine, since I actually never asked for them) and she was always yelling at them for something or other. I remember one day in my freshman year of high-school (I think) she wasn’t going to work and crying and said “I think I’m depressed.”
There are definitely times I can think of where she was really wrong to do things to me. For example we were having trouble getting some replacement documents (that were her responsibility to hold on to but whatever) in my junior year of high school and she was screaming at me while we were trying to get gps directions to a part of town neither of us knew. She never really apologized for this seriously, I don’t think anyway. I have a really hard time remembering anything.
While there were certainly other times like this, I think a lot of my depression and exhaustion comes down to her constantly venting and being sad or angry.
But is it fair to say she was wrong? It’s not like she wasn’t right to be sad or angry. She’s a single mother and never really has had good boyfriends. We were on footstamps for a while, she only got a stable job a few years ago and she kinda hates it, I think.
And would it be fair to me? If she kept it all in and didn’t talk to me then what impression would I have gotten of the world once I did get older?
I don’t know…I’ve just been thinking about the fact that I can technically have kids. I dont know if I really trust myself to do so, but…I guess I should at least think about it right?
I sympathize with you, it’s never easy having parents with mental health struggles. It sounds like being a parent was thrust upon them, and didn’t have healthy coping mechanisms or a support system. you have the opportunity to break the cycle like I did. it’s not easy and it takes a lot of self-reflection, understanding, and communication. in the past mental health was rarely considered or shunned. to me, it doesn’t really seem fair, as children aren’t well equipped to manage their parents emotions, but children of Gen X and older we often had to do that because it was likely even worse for them, as capitalist alienation has a profound effect on menetal health. good luck.
