Not sure If this are right place for that (and sorry, while I do speak Englisch okay-isch, I am not native speaker), but this thoughts does make impossible to sleep at nights.
My life is taken really bad turn many years ago, and 5 years ago it become just broken.
I had my parents, my sibling, place where we lived. Everything was fine. Or I thought so.
My sibling for almost 2 whole years is… dead. There is nothing ceremonious about it. They are just… Dead.
I thought that I had wonderful parents. Even despite beating, screaming and other stuff that they told and done to me throughout the years. One of them just did not do much as parent. That resulted in many mental and physical issues, that I feel to this day.
I remember my hometown. It is now turned into rubbles. It was not great place, but I liked it.
As result of all of I left with only to move to different country, to start my life here instead.
But it is hard. Learning languages is hard. Trying to navigate this world is hard. And I do not have that much time to fix all of that.
I was always socially akward. It is hard for me. I have issues with both my body and my mind, my health. But I am mostly on my own now. With no idea how to proceed and how to deal with this pressure.
And all of that just makes me not wanting to sleep at night. Like now.
I keep thinking about that.
How go people deal with that?
Self-deprecating. It’s common to make humour at the expense of yourself. It’s really common for people with things like ADHD and other things. Ask me how I know. :) But you have self-worth. You deserve to live, you deserve happiness, you deserve basic comfort. We all do.
Self-care is hard, but it is important.
It can feel like that, but you have to fight against that feeling. I understand. So many days I can’t do anything except sit at the computer and waste time because dialysis is hard on the body. I feel stupid and useless a lot. But I try not to let myself feel that way.
We can all only deal with the hand we’re dealt, and we can only choose how to react.
And it’s not easy.
Yes, exactly that. Like you say, life is cruel, but we still have to keep on trying as best as we can.
And lemme tell ya, sometimes that involved a good cry and being angry at the world. And then moving on and keeping on trying :)
There’s no deadline and no test. You don’t have to say “I’ll try and if I screw up, that’s it, game over” - the nice thing is that every day you decide how to face that day. Did yesterday go well? Good! Keep it up! Did yesterday go poorly? It happens, don’t let that make you feel like today has to go poorly.
It’s like “Oh no I’m on a diet and I made a bad decision to eat a candy bar, who cares now, I’ll eat ice cream” - one mistake or bad day doesn’t mean you have to have another. :)
Even if I don’t hear about you as a famous rock star, I’m sure that based on what you’ve said about your personality, and how some of it matches mine well enough I can say with high confidence: There will be some who remember you and the interactions they had with you.
As useless as I feel, I know I’ve made some people smile. And I know you have, too.
I’m glad this was a little helpful. There have been a few times in my life where someone has said something that’s helped me a bit, so if I’ve managed to pass that on a little, that also means you’ve helped me at the same time. :) And that’s the best thing we can do as humans - helping each other <3
I am undiagnosed (not at current moment anyway) and I am pretty sure ™ but I feel being called out, heh.
It seems that sometimes I forget about that…
It is something that I am very guilty of… I know that one mistake is not end of the world, but it does feel like one to me 🥲
Well, you can add +1 to your smile count. Maybe it could help you feel less useless about yourself! I sure hope it does.