School bus driving— Mixing truck driving with zoo keeping…

That’s a great description - except zoo keepers have bars and glass plates to protect them from the animals.

I’m a school bus driver and we’re supposed to not allow foul language. It’s only a problem on the middle school runs, and it’s not really worth the effort on my part to do anything about it. I’m just happy when I can unload all the kids and nothing has been set on fire.

Chicken jockey
Deez nutz

Our only actual “improvements” helped companies hire unskilled labor instead of union tradespeople.

I still can’t fully understand wtf iambic pentameter means

I think it means five syllables … plus some fermented raspberry juice.

I used to work for a small programming/consulting company that had somehow secured their own $12 million annual piece of federal pork. The money was ostensibly for “improving” manufacturing in our state so they couldn’t just pocket that money. Instead, one of our employees administered the fund from a rented closet-sized office elsewhere in our city and doled it out to other companies which in turn hired our company’s consultants at absurd hourly rates (for example I was paid about $40 an hour but was billed out at over $300 an hour) to do shitty work on useless projects.

This was only one of our scams. We also hired retired colonels from the various services and paid them $200K a year to not show up very often - we had an entire wing of usually-empty offices for these people while those of us actually doing some work here and there were packed like dogs into cubicle kennels. These colonels helped us secure lucrative defense contracts.

The funniest part of this job was listening to my bosses raving about how “welfare queens” were destroying the country.