Some background: Me - Late 50s male. Happily married.
My doctor: Ophthamologist. Attractive woman. 30-ish. Happily married.
Side note: I accidentally ran into her and her husband at a party about a month ago. Nice lady.
So, I went into her office yesterday morning for an appointment. When she came in the room, I noticed that her zipper was “XYZ” and her fly was totally open. Gaping open and pretty distracting. So, I try to make friendly conversation, eyes up.
As part of her job, she’s straddling the chair and equipment as she’s examining my eyes. Awkward. Continue eyes up!
I thought about mentioning “XYZ” to her, but didn’t want to come across as a creepy old guy that’s hitting on her. I didn’t want to embarrass her. So, in the end, I didn’t say anything, and she left.
So, is it better to say something, or not? I think she probably figured it out next time she went to the bathroom.
“You’re flying low”
If it can be corrected in 30 seconds or less, mention it so they can address it, if it’s something that can’t be fixed on the spot or quickly, then no.
🚫 Damn your nose is huge
✅ Excuse me ma’am, your fly is down
It’s only as awkward as you and the other person makes it, and you sound like you made it pretty awkward for yourself before even giving the other person a chance to be non-awkward about it.
The way I see it: If it’s something the person can fix immediately, like a downed zipper or food in their teeth or visible booger, tell them (discreetly) immediately. If it’s not fixable at the time, don’t draw attention to it.
And I dont know how “oh, you seem to have a zipper malfunction” could ever be seen as trying to hit on someone, so you’d likely have been fine if you hadn’t blown it out of proportion.
Additionally: if you start waffling about and overexplaing, youll make it awkward for yhe other person, if you just mention it casually like you’d mention the weather they won’t feel like its a big deal for you to have seen it. I would appreciate it at least, rather than notice by myself and wonder how many people have seen my underwear or visible booger during the day.
To not sound like a creepy old guy, start by not being one.
“Attractive woman. 30-ish”
“Nice lady”
“pretty distracting”
“Continue eyes up!”
Like wtf, you are being so creepy about a fucking zipper! Even as I’m writing that I feel like your first defense would be something creepy like “I’m just a man, I can’t help feeling like that” or similar.
Man, it’s just a random person with a zipper open. She wasn’t flirting. If you were happily married you wouldn’t go drooling as soon as you see a woman with a zipper open just because she’s younger and “attractive” as if she’s nothing but a piece of meat.
You wouldn’t have felt so awkward if she was “ugly”, older, or a man; it’s quite clear from your description. The reason for that is that you are a creepy old dude.
And now all the sex obsessed creeps that feel targeted are going to downvote this because they feel offended.
I’m curious what the female / non-binary version of this is, because being distracted by someone’s attractiveness in an inappropriate context and trying to navigate the situation and/or think about something more appropriate is relatable to me.
One thing that has helped me is, “the thoughts that enter your mind come from all over: society, media, your experiences, etc. You have to process a lot, and not all of it is nice. So don’t judge yourself based on the content of your thoughts, but on how you choose to act.”
This is the difference between responsible societies and victim-blaming ones.
Talking about this is almost impossible in person though. How do you tell somebody that you have thoughts that make you feel uncomfortable with yourself, and would like to have them less? Therapy is only 1 hour a week…
I’m curious what the female / non-binary version of this is, because being distracted by someone’s attractiveness in an inappropriate context and trying to navigate the situation and/or think about something more appropriate is relatable to me.
Same. I can’t control what my reaction to attractive people is. My brain starts pumping out chemicals that make me want to say or do dumb shit and I have to navigate that while trying not to creep someone out. Sorry. I’d turn it off if I could.
I kind of agree, but I’d add that a happy marriage doesn’t mean you can’t feel sexual attraction to other people or that it’s wrong to be sexual, you just shouldn’t be creepy about it.
“I’m just a man, I can’t help feeling like that”
Well yes, but I’d kind of extend that to being just a person, able to control my actions but not feelings.
OP didn’t say he was fighting his instincts not to bend her over and give her a good deep dicking because her fly was down.
I personally find any kind of close proximity with a professional of any gender or age to be quite uncomfortable.
I would find it even more uncomfortable if their fly was down or whatever.
I would find it even more uncomfortable if the professional in close proximity with their fly down might think I was being inappropriate by noticing that their fly was down - an outcome much more likely if that person is an attractive young lady.
That said, you have some odd ideas about being older and being married. I’m in my mid 40s and have been with my partner for 15 years or so. I still find people in their 20s and 30s physically attractive, just like I did when I was 20 . Also my commitment to my partner does not mean I am magically blind to attractive people around me.
I would appreciate someone just saying quickly, “oops, wardrobe malfunction!” in a jokey way with eyes covered. I’d hate to discover the open zip later and recall everything I’d done while exposed.
"Jesus, were my balls hanging out all day?
Just say it.
At least with that there’s no doubt if it’s intentional or not.
When I was right out of college I was interviewing for an internship at a pretty relaxed non-profit a friend worked out, and I was interviewing with her very attractive friend, all of us in our mid to late 20s.
Her boobs were like, fully out. Shirt ubuttoned down past her bra, not something you’d see in an office but maybe at a college party at the end of a night. I did what you did an just tried to ignore it and maintain eye contact
About 15 minutes into it my friend had to come into the office to grab something, took one look at us and said “(interviews name), your tits are out” and then left without saying anything else.
We both died laughing and she got a little embarrassed. But it was that weird grey area if I said something and it was intentional I’d be a huge dick.
No one is intentionally walking around with unzipped pants.
So everyone will appreciate the quick heads up.
Just say “and btw your flys down” then keep talking about whatever you were talking about.
Wow man, you really took the community challenge seriously.
PS: don’t say anything if you are not family or friend and different sex.
Would you say it to a guy? Then say it to her. It’s only weird if you’re perving and making it weird.
Also, it sounds like you need to jerk off more. It’s a zipper, not a clit.
