Trigger warning: depression, hopelessness

I don’t want to write too much, because I’m really not feeling good right now. I’m 32, and have Avoidant Personality Disorder, which is a debilitating social anxiety, and have dealt with extreme loneliness, self-hatred, and jealousy toward more socially inclined people for over 15 years.

I have never been on a date, I have never had sex, I have never kissed. Do you know how it feels to have less relationship experience than your average U.S. high school student, to feel like a pathetic piece of shit every single day? AvPD might be for you if you want to.

I have one online friend, and a brother I live with, but I have no in-person friends, and haven’t been part of a friend group in a decade. I don’t know how to talk to people, I don’t know how to meet people.

To top this off, I am recently out of an online relationship with someone who I gave my entire life savings to help, over $20,000, who turned around and blocked me because I’m hard to deal with. I spent the entire relationship thinking they were scammers, and am still not unconvinced, but either way, I’m down to nothing now.

I have a job, I’ll get back there again, but all my life is work and being home, and I am so, so tired of a ‘life’ where no one cares about me, no one had ever shown interest in me, and now I have no money at all, and am just as pathetic as I’ve always been, and I’m hopeless.

  • opiumfree@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
    5·
    10 days ago

    1. relationships and sex often bring more trouble than benefits to life, sorry to say… those high schoolers having sex are not happy at all and those relationships rarely last into adulthood. even then, they’re likely to end very horribly even if you do love each other deeply at a point. at some point you have to accept that. with that being said its definitely not over and you can find a person even now and it will often be a more fulfilling relationship

    2. as for making friends, it really depends here. in the US (if you do live there) its not encouraged to make friends at work but in other countries its expected and even normal. it’s the blind leading the blind here because i also dont have many friends but i’ve heard that going to concerts is really good and you can make friends online and meet them irl if that makes it easier.

    3. you dont really mention your financial goals here or if u have any debt. it’s good to save some money but don’t forget to enjoy the money u made as well.

    4. u have a community here and i do care bc ure our comrade now

    • Soviet Pigeon@lemmygrad.ml
      3·
      10 days ago

      in the US (if you do live there) its not encouraged to make friends at work

      For real? Why? You work with this people together, you talk and maybe share something about your life. You may find common hobbies and more. At my last workplace a befriended someone fast and invited him home to show my pigeons and eat something. You spend so much time at work. I mean I know coworkers who got married. And its not uncommon that the friendship continues even when you switch the workplace