You should really move out or stay at his place when you want to fuck. He doesn’t need to regress into your childhood.

You’ve been dating a month? I’d say what you can do to “help” him is date him for about 6 months and see how things stand then.

He’s right to feel uncomfortable because it’s inappropriate. My kids are 19 and 21 and while I am hopeful/happy for them to have intimate adult relationships they find fulfilling I don’t have any interest in those relationships happening under my roof with what is essentially a stranger. My son has been in a relationship with a nice young woman for about a year and a half and while I would have no issue with them sharing a room I wouldn’t want my 19 year old sharing her room with a freshly found boyfriend or vice versa, it is intimate and I care about the quality of my kids relationships and if they’re dating someone who doesn’t respect that I don’t want causal sex going on in my house I don’t know how quality this person they’re dating even is… for me, as the parent in this situation is that this feels way too much like casual sex which I feel isn’t in most people’s best interests. Hook up else where and figure it out six months down the road

I am not sure why everyone here isn’t seeing the obvious. You’re 20 and live at home. He’s 25 and is a guy. You’ve been together for 4 weeks. 30 days.

Your parents don’t “love” him. They are just tolerant and probably happy he’s not an awful goober.

You are a love-struck 20 year old and may potentially not be picking up on cues or grasp the nuances of parenting and having an adult offspring in the house.

He’s a guy, 25, and has likely heard his share of mischaracterizations from parents, or possibly been in a situation where he got caught sleeping over as a teenager… Or any other number of things fresh in his head from also being young.

Neither of you have true license over this relationship while you’re not a fully autonomous person, paying your own rent and having your own place, sleeping over at your place is going to feel weird at 30 days or 3 years if you live with your parents.

Give the guy a break. It’s not a comfortable situation. It won’t change with another person if you two break up and try again with someone else.

Ask your parents to sleep in the same bed as you two for the first few nights. It’ll calm everyone down and help build trusting relationship bonds. If you need a bigger bed, I recommend the California king or Sultan bed size.

You don’t. I feel for him. He just needs time and you have to understand some people need their privacy and there is no amount of time spent together that can change that. I’m one of those people. I’d be equally tense with a friend’s family or my in laws if I had them, no matter how much I like them, no matter how well we get along.

Edit: that being said, it’s possible he’ll loosen up as you say but there is also a chance the more pressure you put on him, the more you insist on welcoming him, will backfire.

Just take it easy.

I have been with my wife for thirty years and we’re still not comfortable having sex with her parents in the house.

This is like dealing with a fart. Force to hard and you’ll shit your pants. Best to let it work itself out.

Oh man. If you were 25 and he was 30 this would not be as much of a deal but I can see why he feels wierd about it. This is just an aspect of life. When your younger small age differences are more significant and more so if your living independently. Honestly even when your older its wierd with the parent child thing. It goes in reverse to. You have a single parent dating and the date spends the night and it can be wierd for the person not part of the household. I personally think you need to accept it and just see if he eventually gets to where he can manage doing it. I mean he is a guy so if the offer is on the table he will get around to mentioning it if he thinks he can handle it. Oh but it will hep to get it to the next level without the stay over. Go camping and he will be going with you and your parents will know so its like halfway sorta. Things like that. Or a weekend trip to a nice place with cabins or you know any type of weekend getaways type things.

Here’s just another way to look at it. He moved out of his parents’ house and lives alone now. He’s probably not looking to live with someone else’s parents on the regular, even if for only a few days. He probably enjoys his autonomy. He doesn’t mind you sleeping at his place because he likes you, but he didn’t sign up for the whole family.

It’s funny, when I was in high school and college, I felt a great sense of pride in “conquering” my partner’s home, but as a married adult it does give me some mild ick to get frisky in the guest bed. I mean I still will, but there’s definitely a loss of enthusiasm and willingness to do certain things.

I’m like him at my girlfriends place too. I’d be shocked if anything helps. Maybe just time.

But also I’m a particularly reserved person. The only time I’m comfortable is in her room, if the door is locked. Or in a more organised setting like having a meal (this is actually more bearable than comfortable). I’d rather just leave the house or be at my own place.

As everyone else has said, this is a pretty normal hangup, and if it’s really where you plan to live for the foreseeable future, only time will wear down the edges of that anxiety. It sounds like your parents raised you to be very open and you have an honest relationship with them and open invitation to live with them until you find a path that takes you elsewhere. Frankly, that’s great. My own daughter is a pre-teen but honestly I think we’re on a fairly similar path, but that’s more because it’s what feels like the right thing to do and the right way to treat someone, compared to the arbitrarily rigid households my wife and I grew up in. It doesn’t make make it magically not-alien.

It’s only been a month and he likely grew up in a different style of household. Honestly, in the US at least, the communities that most commonly do multi-generational living are very much not the ones okay with unmarried partners staying over. That’s a pretty significant cultural disconnect, and it’s going to be a while before he gets over it and truly believes that your parents are as okay with it as you claim. It’s probably going to require them to be almost comically over the top about it being okay (which has its own social hazards, LOL), or else it’s going to require baby steps. A trip together could help, as someone else mentioned. Or, a movie night that runs long and he stays in a spare bedroom. Eventually, with exposure and with a relationship between the two of you that proves to be solid over time, he may come to feel that it’s less awkward or disrespectful. He might also be a bit (overly?) self-conscious about the slight age difference in front of people whose primary job over the last 20 years has been keeping you safe.

So yeah, he’s sort of bringing his hangups into the relationship in a way you likely find frustrating, but I wouldn’t worry about it, certainly not until it’s been a good bit longer. It’s a common thing, coming from an honest place (and as mentioned, anxiety+expectations could create a lot of issues around the very intimacy you want to promote). In the meantime, it’s fairly easy to work around, especially since you do have the kind of relationship with your parents that makes staying at his place unremarkable. Eventually, yes, he should grow to trust you and your parents enough to believe you all when you say it’s fine, and if that’s still not enough then to have the kind of open conversation with you as his partner to understand why it’s not going to happen. For now, just keep doing things to make him comfortable at your place, but for the most part I’d let this one go.

you should move out of your parents place

Ball gag and a bottle of tequila?