Thanks for sharing. I’m a domestic abuse outreach worker and he sounds like a perp, classic traits are lying, charm, manipulation, always thinking they’re right and selfishness (and more). It sounds like your gut instinct warned you about him, which is great. You handled it really well 👏
I’m cautious by nature and playing it safe seemed the wisest course to take. The guy built his schemes very cleverly and handled his own duties well, the only mistake he made was when he attacked my reputation.
I was also very lucky to have a boss who trusted me and saw things as they were. One of my co-workers ran into the creep a few years ago and found out that he had kept leaping from job to job until he had landed into a leadership position.
Absolutely. Can I ask a few questions? They may sound odd but there’s reasons. Was he impulsive? Did he have a normal emotional scale, show emotions other than anger? If he did someone a favour did he see it as something that was owed to him, bring it up frequently? Just wondering
I do not find your questions odd, fear not. In retrospect his case is quite fascinating.
Like I said, our duties rarely overlapped and I mostly met him at staff meetings and occasionally at the coffee lounge. He rarely expressed strong emotions - except frustration, since something was always being done “the wrong way” - and the only time I saw him express anger was when I called him out. He was often smiling, but in a weird way where his lips formed a smile but his eyes weren’t fully in on it.
He was the total opposite of impulsive. If you knew when to look, you could see him calculating the next steps before taking action. But he loved attention - he was in charge of the office christmas party planning and he made himself the central figure of the entire show. If there ever was an epitome of cringe, that was pretty much it. This was an apparent blind spot for him, his corridor charisma did not work at all on stage and his act was just plain bad.
I don’t know about the favours. But he would not help others if it wasn’t his job. This one time our old (one year to retirement) janitor was moving desks to another floor and asked me to help him out, since he had a bad hip and the desks were too big for the elevator. I was young and always happy to help, so we started carrying them up. The creep happened to see us working and walked to me and said “Don’t you understand that it is not your job to carry desks? That’s what the janitor is for.” And he said this out loud while the janitor was right there, holding the other end of the desk mid-stairs. I responded “I do understand. I like to help my friends.”
Then he just left and we hauled the desk up. The janitor was pretty much ready to go and punch the creep, but I talked him down.
He was married and had kids. He never showed any violent tendencies and was physically very non-imposing. I always assumed that manipulation and mental games were his primary tools, but one can never really know.
His eyes seemed pretty normal, but I remember that they were always moving. He wouldn’t look you straight into eyes for more than a second or two.
Yep not all abusers are violent and certainly not outside the home. Tbh the extent of the game playing was making me wonder if he had anti social personality disorder (psychopathy). People can often tell from the eyes eg Ted Bundy
Thanks for sharing. I’m a domestic abuse outreach worker and he sounds like a perp, classic traits are lying, charm, manipulation, always thinking they’re right and selfishness (and more). It sounds like your gut instinct warned you about him, which is great. You handled it really well 👏
I’m cautious by nature and playing it safe seemed the wisest course to take. The guy built his schemes very cleverly and handled his own duties well, the only mistake he made was when he attacked my reputation.
I was also very lucky to have a boss who trusted me and saw things as they were. One of my co-workers ran into the creep a few years ago and found out that he had kept leaping from job to job until he had landed into a leadership position.
Absolutely. Can I ask a few questions? They may sound odd but there’s reasons. Was he impulsive? Did he have a normal emotional scale, show emotions other than anger? If he did someone a favour did he see it as something that was owed to him, bring it up frequently? Just wondering
I do not find your questions odd, fear not. In retrospect his case is quite fascinating.
Like I said, our duties rarely overlapped and I mostly met him at staff meetings and occasionally at the coffee lounge. He rarely expressed strong emotions - except frustration, since something was always being done “the wrong way” - and the only time I saw him express anger was when I called him out. He was often smiling, but in a weird way where his lips formed a smile but his eyes weren’t fully in on it.
He was the total opposite of impulsive. If you knew when to look, you could see him calculating the next steps before taking action. But he loved attention - he was in charge of the office christmas party planning and he made himself the central figure of the entire show. If there ever was an epitome of cringe, that was pretty much it. This was an apparent blind spot for him, his corridor charisma did not work at all on stage and his act was just plain bad.
I don’t know about the favours. But he would not help others if it wasn’t his job. This one time our old (one year to retirement) janitor was moving desks to another floor and asked me to help him out, since he had a bad hip and the desks were too big for the elevator. I was young and always happy to help, so we started carrying them up. The creep happened to see us working and walked to me and said “Don’t you understand that it is not your job to carry desks? That’s what the janitor is for.” And he said this out loud while the janitor was right there, holding the other end of the desk mid-stairs. I responded “I do understand. I like to help my friends.”
Then he just left and we hauled the desk up. The janitor was pretty much ready to go and punch the creep, but I talked him down.
I’m certain he’s a dv abuser, he shows classic warning signs. I know what you mean when you say about the mask like face that doesn’t go to the eyes.
When you looked into his eyes what could you see?
He was married and had kids. He never showed any violent tendencies and was physically very non-imposing. I always assumed that manipulation and mental games were his primary tools, but one can never really know.
His eyes seemed pretty normal, but I remember that they were always moving. He wouldn’t look you straight into eyes for more than a second or two.
Yep not all abusers are violent and certainly not outside the home. Tbh the extent of the game playing was making me wonder if he had anti social personality disorder (psychopathy). People can often tell from the eyes eg Ted Bundy