1. The president of the United States is a rapist

2. A rapist is president of the United States

Wikipedia has an unusually high hit rate for me. I start reading about a band, a genre, or something music-related, then before I know it, the wiki rabbit hole of blue links has introduced me to 50 other bands. Some of my favourite bands were found this way. If you’re averse to using anything web-based at all, maybe you could get your hands on a music encyclopaedia from the library or something. If you’re into a specific genre, you can probably narrow down the scope with a book just about that genre.

I have never, not once in my entire life, been recommended an artist by an algorithm that I ended up liking. Not on Spotify, not on Last.fm, not on Bandcamp, it just doesn’t happen for me 🤷‍

• Game of Thrones, final season notwithstanding
• South Park. I was around when it first came out, and I avoided it for about a decade because everyone I knew who loved it was an annoying cunt.
• The Uncharted games, particularly #4
• Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt + DLCs

Things I was right to avoid and sorely wish I had continued avoiding:

• The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Jesus fuck.

Ballykissangel is a slightly more serious take on it, but not by much. Father Ted actually does a little cameo/parody of that show, where Ted is fantasising about having a romantic chat with the star of Ballykissangel before being rudely awakened by his real life. Forgot all about that until I started to answer your question 🤣

If you don’t mind those awful Protestants, you can also try The Vicar of Dibley. Another sitcom, but more grounded than Ted.

Joe Pesci, circa 1995

Joe Bond: You hear a little girl, Moneypenny? Where’s the big tough guy who told my friend to shove his pen up his ass? *more stabbing*

Q: Sir, please… *choke* I was just explaining… *cough* the pen’s unique bidet feature…

Joe Bond: Bidet feature? You made me pop your eye outta your head over a fuckin’ BIDET FEATURE? You dumb motherfucker!

Q: Sir, I apologise, but if you just… *splutter* use the pen’s other feature, the wound-cauterising laser, I might yet… *gasp* live…

Slightly different motivations in play. For a start, how can they be femcels if the whole premise of the app is to screen men for the purposes of safe dating? Secondly, screening men so you don’t get abused is not even in the same country, let alone ballpark, as doxxing people on 4chan because you’re an antifeminist incel, an actual incel, who wants to score points with other worthless societal lip crust.

Was it a perfect app and did everyone on it comport themselves impeccably? Of course not, but you’d be an obtuse bad faith dickhead to demand otherwise. It’s just the case that these are the kinds of lengths women have to go to to protect themselves.

And let’s be clear, men do the same shit. Men talk about their bad dates with psycho women and warn each other about them, and they share nudes and other private stuff that the women didn’t intend to be shared amongst the man’s friend group. We don’t need an app with photographic evidence and licence plates and addresses because the abuse men face is usually not being raped or beaten to a pulp. But if you’re a pickup artist or a virulent incel, you’ll probably have a database of women you’ve compiled for reasons other than your own safety. Stop pretending that the stresses of relationships that men and women face are equivalent.

That app is an emergent property of decades of men’s grotesque behaviour. Technology has now put some power into the hands of women so that they can quickly and efficiently share info with each other, and you expect them to wave away that power and just let RNG dictate whether they have a normal date or a survival horror video game.

Fuck 4chan, fuck incels, the end.

This is somehow more offensive to my brain than if they’d simply said “electricity is god”. The way they completely muddy the issue, making the reader not just misinformed but made to feel complacent, like there’s no correct information to be found, is way more grotesque. It shuts down the mind of the reader. It’s anti-education.

Mount Hushmore

Conspiracists are such tedious fucking morons. Yeah let’s risk exposing ourselves and our shadowy organisation by committing a murder after the dude we wanna protect has already been convicted and is now dead and buried, and when the target is already world-famous and whose death will be greeted with the same moronic scrutiny and meme-brained bleating that greeted Epstein’s death. Yeah, let’s do that 👍

“But she specifically said she would never kill herself!” yeah, just her and literally every other suicidally-depressed person on earth who went through with it 🙄

Greenland’s ice is melting at a rate of 3 Olympic-sized swimming pools per second. Heard it on The Infinite Monkey Cage science podcast, no idea how accurate it is.

Inventor of the Foote note. Not a lot of people know that.

They like cheese. Bring cheese.

If you suffer from erectile softness, sliding yourself into an MRI like this will cause the iron-rich blood from your whole body to be drawn into your pennis by the powerful magnet. Then you just tie a tourniquet on it at the base, and you’re good to go.

Also works in a large centrifuge in which they train fighter pilots, if you don’t have access to a hospital.

When an immovable Russian bot meets an irresistible A.I. shit-stirring bot (also from Russia).

I’m in my 40s and I still occasionally get a dream where I’m using the toilet, and that in the dream I’m making sure I’m really awake by looking around the room reading labels on things etc. People say you can’t read text in dreams, because it looks mangled and makes no sense. Well, if you believe it makes sense within the logic of the dream - that is, whatever switch in your brain that makes you go from “not sure” to “100% confident” gets flipped - then it matters not what lorem ipsum horseshit is printed in melting calligraphy on the shampoo bottle. My brain yearns for a piss-filled mattress and it will not be dissuaded by my feeble attempts at some sort of dreamworld scientific method.

I wonder how intentional that is. Like, I can imagine it simply being the result of the nightmarish way stuff gets done at huge companies like MS. But I can also imagine it being shenanigans by scumbags.

What if each H₂O molecule was coated in a hydrophobic substance?

I think my bank manager has a kink, keeps texting me about “transaction”??

Patient 1

I wanted to try Brave a couple of years ago. I ran the installer, and it was one of those pieces of shit installers that just goes ahead and installs without any input from the user, dumping god knows what onto your system, and it puts everything in some obscure AppData subdirectory that can’t be deduced without right-clicking the desktop shortcut. I uninstalled it without even launching it once.

If a user is 50/50 on whether or not they just installed malware, you might wanna check your programming practices.