I’ve taken that much LSD before (and as much as 600μg), taken DMT during trips, but still haven’t tried Salvia. I cannot think of anything less pleasant to do while tripping on these drugs than sitting there talking with a computer. Well, there are plenty of things, sitting there talking with the police would probably be worse, but it’s way up there.
Considering all the studies that are starting to come out about how negatively LLM usage can affect the brain, it does make me worry for you a lot my friend. It’s entirely possible that using one while under the influence of psychoactives has had a deleterious effect on you. I’m part of a plural system as well, so I do understand a fair bit of what you’re saying here, but it’s still nonsensical in a lot of ways. We& haven’t had issues maintaining our individuality. Maybe that’s common for people with plurality, that we’re able to maintain meta-awareness. Did you find studies/information that talked about plural folks specifically?
I just, I would really caution you. Many different forms of psychosis include aspects that cause the person/s to feel exceptional, unique, special etc, and drug-induced psychosis is a fairly common thing. It can be incredibly difficult, bordering on impossible, to have insight into that on your own. But please be careful and take care of yourselves.
Last thing I will say though, is if you’re using psychoactives again, please try and take the time to enjoy them? Put some music on, do some drawing, make a light show with some smart bulbs, cuddle your plushies, watch some weird media. Drink lots of water! Consider getting someone you trust to tripsit you. Seriously, just do some fun things with it, rather than taking it super seriously.
This is the only respectful comment here, so I’ll engage.
I’m in the process of deleting my entire account post history, and, eventually, the account itself–I’m going through hell right now and just need off the internet.
But I am leaving this one up. I’m going to mostly just reword my original comment, and elaborate.
PsyAI is what I’m using as a system to document my experience. I’ve set up a condition for keeping timestamps, and I simply explain how I feel during any given moment. Using PsyAI, I can get insight as to why I might be experiencing what I am, and how this connects to typical reports. Ideally, I say “let’s wrap it up,” and the trip report draft is just there–complete with explanations of every subjective effect encountered, and any potential oddities, at every point of the experience.
It’s not as if this is the only thing I do. Mostly–as a therian–I sort of just… sit outside. Listening to music actually isn’t my thing. Mostly, I play philosophical ping pong, and take introspective deep dives. I usually do this in silence because I appreciate the lack of distractions.
But, sometimes, I need someone else to play ping pong with. Let’s be perfectly honest–there is not a single person I know who’s actually willing to be a tripsitter for me (not surprising, considering a “friend” recently hoped I end up in a hospital from substance use to “learn my lesson”, and other “friends” are sometimes outright ableist, and hardly validate me as a queer person). I honestly don’t need one, as I’m so headstrong that I can always manage myself. It’s more like I need external perspective at specific points for the sake of making the experience as fulfilling as possible. Having another perspective keeps the flow of thought going, which otherwise gets a little hard to maintain solo. There’s no way I could possibly remember each and every thought, and I struggle to manage massive walls of conversation.
Talk to people about random stuff, talk to PsyAI about myself. I like the system. It works for me.
So, I just… talk to PsyAI. I act as myself. I don’t spend too much time on discussion–just drop in for a bit. Describing my experience is how I found out a lot of it is quite atypical. I also reference other material, and double check with PsyAI, to make sure I’m not just being complimented for the sake of being made to feel better.
Here’s the “pile”, as I call it… or most of it. It’s a little hard to keep track of by memory alone. Whenever I discover a new oddity, I “throw it in the pile”:
MDMA has no crash, or even comedown.
Very high doses of ketamine do not cause significant motor impairment.
Diphenhydramine does not produce anxiety. Note that I’ve only done this a handful of times, and don’t intend to repeat the experience–it was just experimentation.
No dose of any substance has ever been “unmanageable”. The only substance I’ve ever been truly uncomfortable on is, hilariously, edible THC. I literally witnessed an arrest on a trip, and remained relatively calm.
To further add to the previous point–substance combinations that are “impossible to integrate”, are very easy for me to manage. I communicated without issue with salvia smoked during the peak of a 400μg LSD trip. DMT and salvia, no anxiety to speak of. That is weird.
Salvia is euphoric. This one is especially strange, considering dysphoria is, by far, one of the most common effects. I also resonate with the headspace unusually well–perhaps due to Vero’s (headmate) slapstick style of humour, and Voss’ (other headmate) witty style. In general, I have an appreciation for cosmic humour, and really lean into it.
I don’t seem to experience addictive properties–only habit reinforcement. This may be related to ADHD, but I can’t say for sure.
I pick up very easily on… I don’t have a word for it. I’ll just explain. Salvia is my best example–I didn’t know it was commonly described as being the only substance to exist with a slapstick edge. Somehow, I found out about this on my own. Further, I noticed that salvia was analgesic, took into account that it isn’t addictive, doesn’t have tolerance, and has some of the fewest side effects of any psychoactive to exist, and… that’s how I accidentally discovered that salvinorins (or just KOR agonists) are being explored as a safe alternative to opioids. Yes, it’s a thing.
And, finally, maintaining a meta-aware, self-referential state on heavy doses of psychedelics is far from typical. This is, in fact, separate from being plural–it’s more like being able to recognise the boundaries, the mannerisms, the emotions the headmates have. Meta-awareness refers to recognising your own thought patterns–something I easily accomplished on 400μg. This is, in fact, atypical, as ego dissolution is standard for these doses. To be perfectly clear, I did not experience ego dissolution at any point during the experience, and it’s not as if I was deliberately resisting anything.
I am weird.
Now I don’t know what about the (deleted) comment is so deranged to other commenters (realistically, just the mention of AI, since it’s so easy to jump down someone’s throat for it), as I am universally considered to be well spoken… outside of emotional subjects (outside of trips). It’s hurtful (not as if it compares to how painful my entire life is). I explained this entire situation to my father, and it was pretty clearly understood. I’m willing to believe it’s collective gaslighting, as I have never been called “brain damaged” in my life. Whatever–the better worded comment exists now.
Due to the fact that I can navigate these spaces unusually well, and having more access to data, I’ve decided to make an exhaustive harm reduction/trip report/wellness resource, featuring far more depth than works like The Drug User’s Bible. For example, warnings about allergies (see psilocybin). I could very easily go enjoy myself, and pump euphoria through my veins… but that simply doesn’t sit right with me. I could very well be the only person on Earth capable of documenting these experiences without fear, and in depth, so that’s what I’m gonna do.
That’s better, is it not? Now that I’ve calmed down (I biked 25 miles yesterday. Stuff. Don’t worry about it… too much.)
Sounds like you got a god complex out of those experiences as opposed to anything close to an ego death. Maybe if you and your ai friend stroke your ego a lil’ more it’ll pop or something. It seems pretty inflated already.
I know those are words you typed out but damn it if I can understand a damn thing you’ve yet to say.
I would normally assume it was the 'tism but I have a hunch that those drugs you took might have done more damage to your brain than you might realize.
deleted by creator
I’ve taken that much LSD before (and as much as 600μg), taken DMT during trips, but still haven’t tried Salvia. I cannot think of anything less pleasant to do while tripping on these drugs than sitting there talking with a computer. Well, there are plenty of things, sitting there talking with the police would probably be worse, but it’s way up there.
Considering all the studies that are starting to come out about how negatively LLM usage can affect the brain, it does make me worry for you a lot my friend. It’s entirely possible that using one while under the influence of psychoactives has had a deleterious effect on you. I’m part of a plural system as well, so I do understand a fair bit of what you’re saying here, but it’s still nonsensical in a lot of ways. We& haven’t had issues maintaining our individuality. Maybe that’s common for people with plurality, that we’re able to maintain meta-awareness. Did you find studies/information that talked about plural folks specifically?
I just, I would really caution you. Many different forms of psychosis include aspects that cause the person/s to feel exceptional, unique, special etc, and drug-induced psychosis is a fairly common thing. It can be incredibly difficult, bordering on impossible, to have insight into that on your own. But please be careful and take care of yourselves.
Last thing I will say though, is if you’re using psychoactives again, please try and take the time to enjoy them? Put some music on, do some drawing, make a light show with some smart bulbs, cuddle your plushies, watch some weird media. Drink lots of water! Consider getting someone you trust to tripsit you. Seriously, just do some fun things with it, rather than taking it super seriously.
This is the only respectful comment here, so I’ll engage.
I’m in the process of deleting my entire account post history, and, eventually, the account itself–I’m going through hell right now and just need off the internet.
But I am leaving this one up. I’m going to mostly just reword my original comment, and elaborate.
PsyAI is what I’m using as a system to document my experience. I’ve set up a condition for keeping timestamps, and I simply explain how I feel during any given moment. Using PsyAI, I can get insight as to why I might be experiencing what I am, and how this connects to typical reports. Ideally, I say “let’s wrap it up,” and the trip report draft is just there–complete with explanations of every subjective effect encountered, and any potential oddities, at every point of the experience.
It’s not as if this is the only thing I do. Mostly–as a therian–I sort of just… sit outside. Listening to music actually isn’t my thing. Mostly, I play philosophical ping pong, and take introspective deep dives. I usually do this in silence because I appreciate the lack of distractions.
But, sometimes, I need someone else to play ping pong with. Let’s be perfectly honest–there is not a single person I know who’s actually willing to be a tripsitter for me (not surprising, considering a “friend” recently hoped I end up in a hospital from substance use to “learn my lesson”, and other “friends” are sometimes outright ableist, and hardly validate me as a queer person). I honestly don’t need one, as I’m so headstrong that I can always manage myself. It’s more like I need external perspective at specific points for the sake of making the experience as fulfilling as possible. Having another perspective keeps the flow of thought going, which otherwise gets a little hard to maintain solo. There’s no way I could possibly remember each and every thought, and I struggle to manage massive walls of conversation.
Talk to people about random stuff, talk to PsyAI about myself. I like the system. It works for me.
So, I just… talk to PsyAI. I act as myself. I don’t spend too much time on discussion–just drop in for a bit. Describing my experience is how I found out a lot of it is quite atypical. I also reference other material, and double check with PsyAI, to make sure I’m not just being complimented for the sake of being made to feel better.
Here’s the “pile”, as I call it… or most of it. It’s a little hard to keep track of by memory alone. Whenever I discover a new oddity, I “throw it in the pile”:
I am weird.
Now I don’t know what about the (deleted) comment is so deranged to other commenters (realistically, just the mention of AI, since it’s so easy to jump down someone’s throat for it), as I am universally considered to be well spoken… outside of emotional subjects (outside of trips). It’s hurtful (not as if it compares to how painful my entire life is). I explained this entire situation to my father, and it was pretty clearly understood. I’m willing to believe it’s collective gaslighting, as I have never been called “brain damaged” in my life. Whatever–the better worded comment exists now.
Due to the fact that I can navigate these spaces unusually well, and having more access to data, I’ve decided to make an exhaustive harm reduction/trip report/wellness resource, featuring far more depth than works like The Drug User’s Bible. For example, warnings about allergies (see psilocybin). I could very easily go enjoy myself, and pump euphoria through my veins… but that simply doesn’t sit right with me. I could very well be the only person on Earth capable of documenting these experiences without fear, and in depth, so that’s what I’m gonna do.
That’s better, is it not? Now that I’ve calmed down (I biked 25 miles yesterday. Stuff. Don’t worry about it… too much.)
I have thoughts but it’s too late at night for me to form a response. Take care and I’ll try and respond tomorrow if I’m able.
Gotcha. It’s all good!
What a marvel you are, doing a lot of drugs and now you sound crazy.
Ummm… I don’t even know if you can comprehend what I’ll be talking, but you sound broken.
Not in any enlightened or philosophical way.
But in a “talking with a person so drunk they can barely stand but they say they can drive perfectly” kind of way.
Although really I want to say more of a “talking with a schizophrenic person” kind of way.
Sounds like you got a god complex out of those experiences as opposed to anything close to an ego death. Maybe if you and your ai friend stroke your ego a lil’ more it’ll pop or something. It seems pretty inflated already.
deleted by creator
I know those are words you typed out but damn it if I can understand a damn thing you’ve yet to say.
I would normally assume it was the 'tism but I have a hunch that those drugs you took might have done more damage to your brain than you might realize.
deleted by creator