edit: the date isn’t happening anymore. he texted me asking if we could change the venue as he realized he can’t really afford that restaurant at the moment (???, why was this realization so last minute) & i told him no worries i can pay for everything. he told me no way i could ever let a girl pay, it’s not fair to the girl and also “emasculating” to him. hate that attitude. called it off and cut contact. thank u, next.
So I hit this guy up on Insta, and we’ve been chatting for the past few days, calling and video calling and all that. Tonight he’s taking me out to dinner; just a date, nothing more. I talk to my parents about everything, and they told me to observe his behavior but keep an open mind.
So, you’re 18 and he is 33?
It’s said if you divide your age by 2 and add 7 you roughly get the youngest age you can date. That would be 23,5. Personally, I’ve come to the believe any gap of 10 years or more is too much. Your just in too different parts of your life. There is often a bad power balance and simply different needs.
Go on the date, have fun, but I wouldn’t get serious.
yeah
i’m just exploring
People born in 2008 are 18 💀💀
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Some people are also consciously or subconsciously looking for a younger partner, because they will put up with their bullshit, while someone more experienced would not. Definitely look out for that, but it’s hard to tell in the beginning.
Or maybe the older and more experienced are overly needy when selecting partner and red flag just about anything that isn’t precisely in their preferences. Younger tend to be more fluid.
Yeah, it’s hard to know without meeting that other person. Maybe they’ve dated a ton of people in their own age group and are just having no luck whatsoever other than meeting walking red flags. So they’re aiming for a younger person who hasn’t been screwed up in life yet. I know plenty of people In their 30s, who are so screwed up, you wouldn’t want to date them. So I would advise the original poster to go in with their eyes open, but have fun. There are plenty of people who have bigger Age gaps than that and they’re very happy. we really shouldn’t be calling the other person, a pedophile or a creep without having ever met them. I literally the only thing we know about the other person is they’re going out on a date with somebody.
Personally, I would’ve preferred to aimed for somebody who was 23 instead of 18. That five years could make quite a difference, but I’m also not going to judge because at 18 they’re an adult they can do what they want. And i recognize at 18 your brain is still developing. Then again there are people whose age is 45 and the brain is still developing. There are people who are age 38 who are so toxic you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near them, you probably don’t even want to live next to them in the next house over.
Now that’s one mature comment.
Best thing to do is to go and see for oneself.
Age per se is no flag. Behaviour is the real thing.
I once looked at some dating apps such as tinder. The lists from 30-50 of what they are searching for was in general like external qualities and for personal traits something that simply do not exist. Only those who could mask themselves, could meet the expectstions. I quickly removed myself.
If there is a possibility to meet person, use it.
there’s a huge difference between a 30 yr old and 45 yr old dating, and a 30 yr old dating a 15 yr old-- even though the 15 year age gap is the same
a 33 year old trying to get with a 18 year old is sus af, and i’ll die on that hill
Yeah.
I was talking about legslly adults, not minors. Within that bracket age trivial.
call the shit off. there are plenty of not-pedophiles 25 or under for you to date
i guess i can see that most guys your age are childish/inexperienced, and that’s the appeal of “older” men. but let me tell you something (as a guy well over 45): if a dude hasn’t grown up by 25, then they’re not going to grow up. yea, there’s definitely a “type” of 30+ yr old dude who wants to hook up with teenagers, and i’d advise you against it.
be careful with this one-- above all, stay in public, cover your drink
JFC. Pedophiles are people who rape children.
These are two consenting adults. ADULTS. What fucking use is adulthood if your every action is judged as if you are still a child?
So, let’s keep things in perspective. Yes, there is a power imbalance when the age gap is almost 50%. No, this is not even close to pedophilia. Yes, she should reconsider dating an older man or take things very slow. No, he is not a rapist. No, she is not a child.
Can we please not demean the horrors of child sexual abuse by conflating it with two concenting adults going on a date, even if you find the age gap icky.
please tell me exactly what part of my comment conflates anything with child sexual abuse
The part where you call someone going on a date with an 18 year old a paedophile.
do you have kids? are you totally cool with your daughter going out with someone who’s closer to your age than to hers? the fact that so many people in here are cheering on this person over 30 hooking up with someone under 20 is really fucked up to me
I don’t see anyone cheering. I see people debating the ethics and morality of the situation.
Your feelings about your daughter are valid. You are more than welcome to use every tool at your disposal to ensure that she doesn’t date older men. This is expected; you are there to protect her. But don’t expect everyone to feel the same way. Many younger women look for an older, financially stable man. Many older men are willing to enter long-term committed relationships and financially provide for a younger woman.
If you want your daughter to avoid this situation, make sure she’s well-educated and independent. Instead of coddling her, challenge her to achieve her goals and excel in her field.
You may be shocked to learn that there are positions available between loving the idea of your adult daughter going on a date with someone 10 years older than her and screaming “pedo!” at them.
fair enough. i’ll concede maybe the 33 year old dating the 18 year old isn’t necessarily a “pedo”
18 vs 33 is NOT 10 years. why would you try to change OPs situation into a 10 year age gap, when it’s literally 15 years? and before you say “what’s the big deal,” try that argument with a 30 yr old dating a 15 yr old-- same age gap, only 3 years difference-- what’s the big deal?
look, i usually don’t chime in on violet’s posts with old people advice, but in this case she specifically asked for advice, and my advice to ANY woman under 25 is this-- be very wary of dudes 15 years older than you trying to get in your pants. take it or leave it