Only two courses were uploaded to the school website place, but by reading the syllabi for each course my heart is pounding.
This is the first semester where I will be taking a seminar course, as I am in my final year. I went over the requirements and it is asking a lot from someone with horrible anxiety. It may sound silly but I have written time and time again about how hard speaking in class and presenting is for me, even asking a question or having to converse with another student makes my bones ache. I do not know why this happens but maybe it is my body tensing up for a fight or to bolt.
My other class is the last political science class I will be taking, thank god, and it is about civil war. While going through that syllabus I quickly noticed just how much is being assigned and graded. Not only do I have two quizzes, I also have to make my own quizzes based off the lecture and reading materials. Furthermore we will be made to do peer reviews, self assessments, and a whole presentation plus the research paper at the end of the semester. Thankfully the quizzes and the peer reviews are all anonymous so we have no idea who wrote what quiz and which paper we are critiquing.
I tend to overreact a lot, last semester when I read the syllabus I had a whole breakdown crying to my mom on the phone, so I feel like this is what is happening again and I will probably be fine after communicating with my professors and actually seeing how the class works in person. But even so my anxiety is not going away. I guess I am writing here because I was hoping to know if anyone has felt similarly to me, or can give me some insight into how these higher level courses work because I feel very worried I am not built for this, but I want to be.
Sorry for the anxious rant. I do look forward to continuing the chronicles starting tomorrow.
I did used to have a lot of anxiety to talk in front of a crowd but I’m also a sicko and I get real high when I do talk in front of a crowd or group (albeit the anxiety).
I did do a lot presentations and seminars under different contexts. I just made sure to do an eye contact towardd the group or professors in between presenting.
Now my background varies here from india but usually whether graduation level or post, the type of seminar I attended always had panels of professors and also students asking some questions. Depending on the professors answering and explaining your topic can differ. If they are very confrontational the responses should still be cool and calculated from the presenter.
Now I’ve had my fair amount of beefs with a lot of professors but even then I had to be subdued when dealing with them.
As for overcoming speaking anxiety I don’t have a specific answer. It depends on you. I generally still have some issues talking but I repeat myself often. Now stuff like anxiety won’t just go away by like resolve. You gotta power through even with the anxiety. Just don’t observe the surrounding, say your piece and try to clarify. Not everyone is some orator. No one is just magically good at a thing. Its all trail and error.
You are overthinking a lot here. But I can’t see what end result you are worried of. You keep saying you’re not equipped or made for higher subjects. You don’t know that and even if that’s the case you shouldn’t give a shit. I don’t got any self esteem and think way worse than you. I failed a lot, like embarrassing amount for dumb reasons. But I don’t go on about self pitying myself. I don’t wanna give a shit about failing. All that amounts is your work and time you put into a thing.
Once you get through it, it would seem trivial. Cause look at you. You got through seven semesters. One more semester with two courses ain’t shit for you. Stop thinking of worst case scenarios. Just you work your way throught the course. Get through the material, prepare your stuff for seminars or papers. That’s most of it. Presenting it one single part of it. Don’t miss forest for the trees.
If I overstepped here or wrote too much. Sorry.
I do not think you overstepped at all and I appreciate your insight. It seems your seminar classes work the same as mine and everything you described reflects what I read on the syllabus. I will try to engage with the students as calmly as possibly, like you said, and might default to my neutral voice.
I do overthink and catastrophize a lot. My main fear has always been about students finding out that I am a Marxist-Leninist.
I will take your advice and push through as much as I can and communicate with my professor.