He also completely seems the type to leave a come-to-jesus meeting with his doctor about how he absolutely has to change his diet and start exercising and still hit the McDonald’s drive thru on the way home, so with a little luck, the best possible medical care won’t matter nearly as much as it could.

“Your honor, I’m missing my grandmother terribly. She would always side with me on legal decisions…”

Yeah, I read that as well. Ironically enough, it actually gave me a tiny shred of hope that we might get exceptionally lucky and the fucking thing would get wiped out by a hurricane or something before they managed to actually get anyone in there, but unfortunately the bastards work fast.

The second one looks like an English bulldog with jaundice preparing to tell a spooky story around a campfire.

Went a couple links deep in the article and nope, the standard kind of decapitated (no photos in the link, it’s just a previous AP article that gives more detail). Sounds like the poor kids shoulder got stuck and she straight up ripped his head off.

Edit - fixed link