playing to much video games.

It’s my birthday today so I’m having some friends over to grill and have a fire later

Trying to make a handful of new dessert recipes, ostensibly for my granddaughter’s wedding this fall.

It’s completely coincidental that they’re all things I want to shove in my word hole.

Playing a ton of Stellaris.

Planting some trees with a community group beside a river.

Go for a walk in the sun with the dog.

This question is valuable, because it helped me crystallize some things in my head:

1. I don’t have the energy to make plans.
2. I don’t believe that I deserve something nice.
3. The only nice things I dream about and have the strength to keep in mind from time to time (a female body and voice, immortality for me and my family, the eradication of racism, transphobia and macho culture) are unattainable.

I’m writing this down and bringing it to my doctor next time I see them.

played a little minecraft after all my yard work was done. i had the intention of starting a small fence in the front yard but my wife took the wind out of my sails by telling me, in a drunk and manic moment she was having, that she didn’t believe in me to do it right let alone good. so i’ve been feeling shitty. so in minecraft i started a new house lol. nothing but dull shit here. sorry.

Ordered some new earrings and pants. Gonna eat my favorite spicy ramen. Not gonna step on the scale.

Going to the Utrecht pride with my bf and friends :D

I’m going to the music night put on by the local public radio station at the local semi-pro soccer game. It’s a double header and there’s a bunch of concerts in between. I think it’s gonna be a lot of fun.

Hitting the gym, on both weekend days. It’s questionable how nice it is, but I’m most definitely doing it for my own enjoyment and benefit.

Maybe I’ll see my parents and hang with my sister a bit.

Honestly, my first answer was “nothing, I don’t deserve something nice because I haven’t been hitting my goals recently”. Then I felt bad about that because being too hard on ourselves is counterproductive, so now I’ll set aside some time to stretch tomorrow.