Step 1: Please pay your Signal Light Subscription of $36/month to enable the bulbs.
Why pay if not used
Fr that seems flagrantly wasteful
So is a BMW, yet here we are
I can only imagine the frustration of engineers in BMW having to deal with finance people.
Engineer: “…So you want me to route the functionality of heated seats to a PCB to check for a payment variable, to prevent the person, who bought the car, to not be able to use a function already built in… Is that correct?”
Finance guy: “Yes! You got it!”
Engineer: “I know the answer is money but still… Why?!”
Money
Engineer: 😫
12 years ago. Back then shit was less dire.
2013 was plenty dire. We had Ted Cruz’s friends in the House trying to dismember social security and medicare while Obama kept explaining away why we needed more troops in Afghanistan and fewer labor organizers in Ohio.
The '08 Housing Crisis was still echoing through the US, the economy was stalling in the face of Congressional austerity, and people ringing the big “Climate Change is coming for us” dinner bell were once again getting told to shut up so we wouldn’t scare away moderate republican voters in the 2014 midterms. Israel and Gaza had broken out into a brief shooting war, the recently-debunked Lancet “Vaccination-Autism” study was gaining traction among reactionary politicians, Jeffry Epstein was hanging out with Bill Gates on Palm Beach, and a fresh-faced NYC landlord with political aspirations was all over FOX News saying how he was on the verge of uncovering Obama’s real birth certificate.
The fuse was lit. We were all just in the fucking around phase, rather than the finding out part. Extremely dire situation.
With respect to subscription hells. Not your “colonial” policies.
Top quality comment right here. Way to hit on so many disparate yet crucial historical events. I’d read a history book this person wrote.
“Before I begin, I recommend paying your heated seat subscription before bothering with stuff like the turn signals.”
Turn signals only available with the deluxe interior / lighting package.
…
For an additional 3 grand.
There are now entire forums dedicated to pirating the turn signal
A good friend of mine was a BMW mechanic for years. His favorite joke was: “You know what the most sole crushingly pointless job is? The guy who installs turn signals at the BMW factory.”
The peasants don’t need to know where I am going.
They should be lucky enough to breathe my exhaust!
when my BMW is reset, the soft turn signal only blinks once. I have to go and set it for 3 blinks. Ever since, I see BMW drivers sometimes only give one blink and if you blink you might miss it lol bad engineering on such great engineering
I did not know about soft turn signals until I saw this post.
I question why this feature exists. Drivers should be aiming to signal 10 seconds ahead. When making a lane change or turn, you should be keeping your signal on until the maneuver is completed. I can’t think of a circumstance where 3 blinks is enough. 1 blink looks more like a mistaken signal.
Law is 3 seconds here, which is a bit longer than 3, but not a lot. 10 can get ambiguous because there might be a street before the one you’re actually turning at, and then you’ll confuse others.
The 3 blinks is mostly just for roundabout exits though, at least for me. 3 seconds of blinking could mean 2 different exits. Again, confus.
My favorite blinker scenario locally is this really disgusting offramp/series of interchanges/spaghetti abomination thing on my way home from certain directions. I take every possible lane change and right turn for nearly 2 miles on this part of the route, so I just activate the blinker once and it stays on for a solid 3 minutes until it shuts off on its own.
- Start on 2-lane 55mph turnpike with exit coming up on the right in ~.75 miles
- right blinker goes on as the turnpike gradually widens to 5 lanes, adding new lanes on the right every ~.1 miles - I leave the blinker on as I hug the solid white and slip into each new lane as it comes
- After .2 miles of being in the rightmost of the 5 lanes, I slip onto the exit ramp - blinker is still on (lol)
- After another .1 miles, the ramp splits and I take the right side of the fork - blinker still on
- Yet another fork after that where I stay to the right again
- Another roadway merges in on the right which I have to cross in front of
- Come up on a T intersection of the off-ramp with the surface street and, you guessed it, the blinker is STILL ON, and it’s another right turn for me
- That last 90° turn is enough steering wheel rotation to trigger the automatic shutoff of the blinker coming out of the turn
- I grin like an idiot and cackle with glee the rest of the way home as my partner in the passenger seat quietly shakes her head. Fucking glorious
I can sorta imagine it, but also not. I think we need a video to laugh at
Maybe I’ll take a dashcam video. Seems like the sort of thing that belongs in dull men’s club.
three is good enough for lane changes on the freeway, sure 10 seconds would be optimal but it’s not always realistic
idk about 1 because I think it’s absurd too
I use the three blinks when exiting a roundabout.
Ten seconds of signaling is insane. If you have the room, put on the blinker, change lanes safely, then turn it off.
That’s nearly a quarter mile at freeway speed and more than an average block in the city. You might as well just keep it on the entire time you’re driving since nobody will know what you’re signaling.
What do you mean by “when my BMW is reset”?
There is a tiny pinhole in the top of the gear stick. If you put a paperclip in it for 5secs the horn honks and the BMW is reset. Afterwards you have to resync your key through the authenticator app and change your blinkers from one to three.
If you hear a continuous honk. Your BMW is actually a transformer and you just sounded it’s urethra.
Incredible reply. Simply brilliant.
if the battery is disconnected, it loses some of the memory settings. like there’s two available seat memories that get reset. plus saved radio stations and blinker preferences
Smoking gun
That and the water pumps
That’s fucking hilarious out of context.
But that being said, BMWs have the worst blinkers control I’ve ever seen in a car. They tried to innovate on it with software and it’s just bad. Seriously. For anybody who doesn’t know what it’s like, go to a BMW dealership and test drive a car or something. Somehow, they took the stick control and made it worse.
So, that there’s a tutorial video, is depressing and funny, but also unfortunately needed.
My driving teacher had a BMW and I thought it had nice turn signals! Then again my parents car at the time was a nearly 22 years old economy car so my frame of reference is not great.
I almost got in an accident with a BMW driver, today. They made it look like they were turning but faked me out and went straight, instead. Then they proceeded to scream something at me in a different language for about 30 seconds, while blocking my turn. I was the only one who signaled. There’s no point to this story, I just felt it added to the vibe here.
Owned a BMW 320i for 8 years.
I had no idea it could do that…
It is possible, but I had to install the aftermarket turn signal mod to unlock mine
I have a BMW and I use my turn signals! There are dozens of us!
Dozen*
Yes I’m a vegetarian. Yes, I eat meat. Yes, we exist.
I think she was ‘vegan’, which makes it even worse.
This has spread to more than BMW drivers. Just this morning I saw a Lexus, a Chevy, and a semi not bother with them.
Are you sure you weren’t just in Houston?
When will people learn BAD DRIVERS ARE EVERYWHERE!!!
Look up most dangerous highways and when it is limited to a certain distance, the most dangerous highways are in Texas or Florida.
Teletrac: Most Dangerous Roads in America Infographic (2016-2019)
Bad city drivers are what I’m afraid of, I’m a pedestrian.
Fair.
I sometimes have to go to Miami and I’m legit scared of the highways there.
Everywhere in Houston, yes!
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Look man, when I’m in my RC F, that V8 ought to be turning your head so you anticipate I’m going to pass you. Otherwise you’re clearly not paying enough attention to my sick expensive car. (/s)
Depends on location. It is always the Lancia for me
It would be funny if the video length was 3 hours
Opening with a disclaimer “the use of this procedure may void your warranty…”
Subscribe to BMW Safety+ for 9.99$ a month for great features like: turn signals and rear view mirror streaming camera.
Why would I pay $10/mo for things I don’t even use?
Absolutely love the “comments disabled” bit. Did this video at any time had comments allowed? I would love to see the troll fest
Comments are turned off… Of course they are. 😄
They only come with a left turn signal by default. It’s to indicate you’re too slow driving with 200 km/h on the left lane and they want to overtake.
Doesn’t matter what speed you are going, if you can, move to the right.
RECHTSFAHRGEBOT, MOTHER FUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?
No.if im going at the speed limit I shouldn’t have to let anyone pass. Specially those assholes who instead of blinking and waiting take their overcompensating weapon-truck and drive illegally close to me.
I like driving on the left lane because otherwise I just have to keep changing laws to overtake those NOT going at the speed limit. If you want to out everyone at risk, don’t get demanding
drive illegally close to me
They complain, while driving illegally on the left…
Oh, you’re that very special person. Just watching people pass you on the right like a moderately stoned bovine.
Whatever. The assholes that go over the speed limit and push me to move are not moving for anyone else ever. So why should we move for them? How can I be the asshole for not being a pushover? It’s like asking someone to forgive a bully. Bullies get the bully treatment. I’ve got nothing to lose. You are risking my life either way. But if I can see you lass me on the right overagitaded and furious that you had to move when you were speeding, then I’ve won
I never knew it was common knowledge. I always wondered why BMW drivers use the turn signals less often than drivers of other brands.
I know that Peugeot drivers can’t help it, because the electronics are shit.
The law of the asphalt jungle dictates a strict hierarchy maintained by the current value of the vehicle. The rare and elusive hypercar at the top, Bentley and Rolls Royce after that, BMW, Audi, Mercedes claim their place after the big boys, then comes the rabble with the commoner brands like Opel, Renault, Peugeot, Volkswagen and after that the economy cars. Trailing all of them are the sort of cars that are officially quadricycles and hated by all. The right of way follows that order and no signaling is required for lesser cars. They are expected to yield and make room for their more noble brethren. It’s a stupid status game, all of it, and it endangers safety.
It’s because they’re entitled dickbag drivers. Which is funny because where BMWs are more common, Audi drivers are the entitled dickbags.
If I see a black Audi, I can guarantee that it will be a dangerously bad driver.
As a Munich resident (home of BMW), I kindly disagree. It really is BMW.
Where I live, bmw drivers suck but Mercedes drivers are way worse.
FAKE!
