Neat! Soon our toasters will be planning genocide all on their own!
My favorite method is to slather it with softened butter and do it on a pan
One grilled cheese sandwich please, and hold the cheese
If I’m feeling extra slutty I’ll use bacon grease
In fact, hold the bread.
That reminds me, I got a tip once to use butter as coffee creamer. I didn’t enjoy it, so I decided to try bacon grease to see if it would make it worse.
It did.
Someone turn this into a dalek
What, and toast my bread like some kind of neanderthal?
Installing ads
“When you just want to toast your bread but you decided to buy a smart toaster for absolutely no good reason.”
Far less annoying and much more useful.
And it’s still worse than this toaster from the 60s.
Well if talky toaster taught me anything I’m going to need a 14 lb lump hammer.
Toaster Nightmares in 1987: Falling into a bathtub full of water, malevolent firefighter clowns, & forks.
Toaster Nightmares in 2026: Being bricked by a software update.
Toaster Nightmares
Should be returned to the store at about 10,000kph
But can it toast a Jesus on the bread?
Why does a toaster need to know what day it is??
Because Sunday nights I prefer my toast one tiny bit ligther. Tsk…obviously.
So you can set it to automatic toast your toast in the morning so it’s warm when you wake up but you wake up at different times on workdays vs weekends
Automatic coffee, I understand despite it making worse coffee. Automatic toast? I’m having a hard time imagining… Actually nevermind, there are all kinds of people.
Come on, it’s genius. You load the toaster in the evening, so the bread gets nice and stale overnight, then when your alarm goes off, you can snooze it for 10 minutes to give the stale toast time to cool. If you want you could even do a light manual toast to warm it up again. It’ll be…extra crunchy.
Glad somebody replied to my comment so I could find this again and say thank you for a really fun read!
Woah, was dark. Thank you
