I had a girl bring a guy friend along on our first date without giving me a heads up for the same reason. I was like, ok that’s a little weird but whatever. I’m certainly not going to give someone shit for doing something that makes them feel comfortable. Ended up chatting it up with the guy friend who turned out to be super cool.
So me and the girl end up seriously dating after a while and she later tells me that she spent most of our first date trying to subtly get her friend to leave so that she could spend more time with me.
Lol there’s got to be a term that’s the inverse of cockblocking. Maybe like cockenabling for something.
I remember when a date auction at my college worked this way, the girls always came in pairs. When I thought about it afterwards, it made sense, but it still made me feel just apprehensive enough in the moment - being outnumbered in a moment of social vulnerability - that I didn’t bid on anyone.
Is it still normalized that the man should pay the date?
What year is it? 1825?
This is an outdated expectation, although it could also be considered respectful on a date.
I’ve heard that in restaurants in the USA you often give your credit card and they scan it and return it because they don’t have portable terminals. I’ve also heard that it’s often returned to the man regardless of name on card / who gave it. Both of these seem very outdated.
If you bring a friend, they better be down for a 3 way if things go well. The only time this hapoened to me, was when two girls invited me to a 3way and then one of them chickened out, then got mad that I still fucked her friend. Like… That was the entire reason I was there!
This tracks.
This is very common in Asia. The first few (not) dates they bring friends and you can too. Eventually, she gives an indication that she wants to do something alone with you and that’s when the real dates begin.
I get it, I absolutely respect someone wanting to be safe, but i think it would also absolutely ruin the date for me. I just can’t really interact the same way in a group as I do one on one. Either that, or I’d end upv mirroring both of them simultaneously and it would end up in a throuple.
I respect it, but i don’t get it, and it would be a complete deal breaker for me. What do you think a person on a date in a public place is gonna do to you?
right, this is basically saying “i don’t trust you not to spike my drink, take me to a second location, and rape me”
and maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all if that’s where you start out from
It’s a test and you failed it by being weird and strange and obnoxious, just let her bring her friend it’s literally not a downside for you. She’ll feel more comfortable by bringing her friend which can only be a good thing for you.
I don’t really consider myself to be particularly spectacular in the social department but even I wouldn’t have reacted like that. To be crass, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?
The test was “Is this guy so desperately horny that he’ll pay for meals and drinks for two, even though neither one of us has any intention of having sex with him, and having a friend along makes it even easier to steer the conversation away from any path that might lead to sex?”
Yeah, that’s a test you want to fail. Those women are predators.
Yeah the problem with that conspiracy theory of yours is nowhere in the text does it ever even suggest that there is any expectation that the friend would have to be paid for. Or indeed that the guy in is even being expected to pay for the girls meal.
It also sounds like a first date, which is not something that is usually all that elaborate, so if this is some evil trap to get free food it’s going to basically be a taco maybe a sandwich something not something worth the effort.
This happened to me, but we all went back to my apartment and played Smash Bros. I did not get laid and I have no regrets.
If this had happened to me there’s a zero percent chance I wouldn’t have taken a shot at the threesome at some point.
Opportunities don’t come along like this every day.
Has a date where some chick brought her friend ever resulted in a good date?
Sounds like setting yourself up to create conflict in a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet.
There’s no other way to read this besides “I think you are a horrible person so I need protection on our public date, why am I going on a date with a horrible person? I wanted dinner”
That’s how it reads every single time, and men are expected to be cool with it, or they are proven to be horrible like previously assumed.
It doesn’t matter if they made themseves afraid of men or not. It’s a set of ideals rooted in misandry, and it doesn’t help women or men.
Sounds like setting yourself up to create conflict in a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet.
WTF are you on about, mate?
There’s no other way to read this besides “I think you are a horrible person so I need protection on our public date, why am I going on a date with a horrible person? I wanted dinner”
There absolutely is another way to read it and it’s: “there are lots of horrible people and I wanted to make sure you’re not one of them”.
I guess you reacting to this post in that way puts you bang in the middle of one of those two categories…
What are you on about?
I just don’t think it’s healthy to assume every man is a psycho and then make them prove otherwise, especially if you want to try dating them.
Luckily, I’m a married lesbian so i don’t have to deal with this stupid shit.
I don’t know about you, but when someone even implies I might be a terrible person I get extremely offended
Yeah, I don’t, because I have enough empathy and intelligence to realise that people who don’t know me… well, don’t know me - and there absolutely are dangerous people out there.
In short: pull your head out of your arse, it’s not about you.
Yes. As a dude I recognize that a woman going on a date with a random person is and feels dangerous to most women. I am more than happy to go on a group date or hang out with friends she feels comfortable with for first bit of getting to know a person for like a month to first couple dates. Then once we are looking to know each other closer we can have more private dates. That being said I shouldn’t be expected to pay for anyone’s experience but my own in these dates or hangouts. Maybe my dates but even still definitely not the friends.
I recognize that a minority of men are assholes.
There’s no mature reason for a friend to come on the date in a public place.
The reasons stated are that men are violent animals and need to be vetted and I need physical protection from them even in public.
That’s not valid
It’s a set of ideals rooted in misandry, and it doesn’t help women or men.
You are not wrong. But I think you are being an asshole about it. You could have said “that is cool, but I’m not paying for her food” and is it. No need to be rude.
I had a girl ask if it was OK to bring a friend once, I said it was fine. She ended up coming alone anyway.
You showed a green flag by saying yes, so she probably felt safe enough.
You could have just missed your shot at a threesome. Way to go, 😄
I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she’d done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we’re married now.
You’re a dumbass for playing along with such insane bullshit but I’m glad it worked out for you.
Nice that it worked out but deception and playing games would be a huge red flag for me. Nothing about that instance in particular, it’s just that I’d always wonder “is this situation for real or another trick?”
Maybe the immediate followup fixes it. You were strangers then after all. And after eight years of course you know what you’re working with haha
Damnit now I’m just rambling to myself, carry on!
